Iris Cantor's Palatial Platinum Triangle Pile

SELLER: Iris Cantor
LOCATION: St. Cloud Road, Bel Air, CA
PRICE: $53,000,000
SIZE: 35,000 square feet (approx.), 9 bedrooms, 21 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...One of the world's most important residential properties located in prime, lower Bel Air. Flawless detail & quality. Approx. 35,000 sq. ft. of perfectly scaled, palatial interiors. 8 bedrooms, 21 baths, media room, library, family room/office, 3 kitchens, staff wing, pool, spa & pool pavilion. Tennis court, billiard room wine cellar, gym, beauty salon, 12 fireplaces...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Okay, we know that really rich widow and really big philanthropist Iris Cantor does not exactly qualify as a celebrity in the Hollywood sense of the word. However, this lavish living ladee just put her 18th-century style palatial pile in lower Bel Air, CA on the market with a blistering asking price of $53,000,000. So we're making an exception for her and her big house.

Now, the first thing we'd like the children to keep in mind is that, as far as we know, Miz Cantor spends a great deal of time on the east coast which means this gigantic house on swank St. Cloud Road probably sits empty much of the time. That is except for the considerable number of household staff it surely requires to keep a hotel sized house like this spotlessly clean just in case Miz Cantor pops into town and wants to host a last minute fundraiser for 50 or 500 lacquer haired L.A. ladees who have been sliced, diced, pulled and stretched into an Chanel-clad army of facial freak shows.

One would be forgiven for wondering where a single and child-free ladee like Miz Cantor gets all her dough. As gauche as it is to talk about money, we're going to anyway because, well, we're vulgar that way. After divorcing her first two husbands, the former model started working as a stock broker where she found her third huzband in Bernie Cantor who became the source of much of Miz Cantors millions. Mister Cantor, who went to meet the great stockbroker in the sky back in 1996, founded the bond trading firm Cantor Fitzgerald. Some of the children will recall that Cantor Fitzgerald's offices were unfortunately located on the top floors of the World Trade Center and that the company lost more than 650 of its employees when the towers were taken down in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Although Your Mama did not know any folks at Cantor Fitzgerald, we were just a few blocks north of the World Trade Center when the airplanes hit the towers and we watched in horror and disbelief as untold numbers of people leaped from high floors and the towers collapsed. Our cold, dark and snarky heart still aches for every person whose life was forever altered by that bizarre and tragic event.

Anyoo, we digress. Let's get back to the much lighter matter of hideously expensive real estate. Property records indicate that Mister and Missus Cantor picked up the small-ish but well-located parcel in Bel Air way back in November of 1991. It's unclear to Your Mama how much the couple coughed up for the property, but given that there was a bit of a housing slump in the early nineties, we'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that it was a fraction of the the current asking price. The couple proceeded to build a massive monument to private wealth which they called La Belle Vie.

Listing information reveals that the colossal Cantor crib measures in at around 35,000 square and includes 8 bedrooms–or nine depending on where in the listing you're looking–and 21 terlits. Let Your Mama say that again...that's twenty-one damn terlits. No wonder there is a drought in California, all the water is swirling down the 21 terlits in Iris Cantor's palace of poopers. A couple other staggering statistics about La Belle Vie are the three kitchens (three!), 12 wood burning fireplaces and underground parking for up to 10 luxury automobiles.

It is our understanding from our always dee-lishusly informative pal The Social Butterfly–who happens to be acquainted with Miz Cantor–that the quirkily named New York based decorator Bebe Winkler was hired to do up the day-core and spent years working it over to within an inch of its life. Although the undeniably dignified rooms appear to our untrained eyeballs to be correctly done, properly proportioned and all did up with only the most labor intensive finishes and filled with only the most expensive couches and commodes, it's all rather fussy and Hôtel de Crillion for Your Mama's admittedly more modern taste in residential day-core. Do not any of the children misunderstand Your Mama. We would gladly give our mean ol' pussy Sugar to the devil in order to spend a week in one of the historical suites at the hoity-toity Hôtel de Crillion in gay Paree, but we definitely do not want to live up in a house where it feels like we would need to get dressed up just to pick our damn nose.

The heavily fortified front gates are controlled by a guard who sits in his or her own octagonal hut and open to a large motor court surrounded by very tall and precisely trimmed hedges. The spectacular and uber-grand entrance hall features a gigantic and sweeping staircase, a Volvo-sized chandelier and is topped buy a rotunda worthy of a government building in Washington D.C.. The mirror-like marble floors look shiny enough that Your Mama recommends any woman or man in a skirt who walks across this floor keep their knees tightly together lest their naughty bits be exposed to the man who answers the door.

Miz Cantor is known to possess one of, if not the largest collection of works by Rodin and several of the artist's pieces that have not been donated to museums–have the children ever heard of the B. Gerald and Iris Cantor Roof Garden at The Met in Manhattan?–can be seen peppered throughout the public and private rooms. Listing information reveals those rooms include leviathan living and dining rooms, a library/study, a family room, den, office, media room, billiard room, gym, wine cellar, and a beauty parlor, because hunnies, if you are as rich as Miz Cantor, you do not go the hair dresser, the beautification queens come to you. Daily.

We don't know if all 8 (or nine) of the bedrooms are as large and lavish as the gold and rose colored bedrooms shown in the listing photographs. But let's be honest...who needs to fly all the way to Paris to stay at the Hôtel de Crillon, when ol' Widda Cantor can put you up for the weekend in a behemoth bedroom fit for the Sultan of Brunei? We are going to force ourselves to look past all those vigorously swagged draperies in the bedrooms because although we puke a little in our mouth when we see such over-processed window treatments, they are exactly what we would expect in a house of this style and magnitude.

The grounds, which are far more modest in size than one might expect on a property with an asking price of $53,000,000, include a sorta small patch of grass, some formal Frenchy gardens, a sunken and properly positioned north/south tennis court and a swimming pool complex that includes a dark bottomed pool, spa and and adjacent pavilion.

Should any of the children in the position to spare several tens of millions of dollars to purchase, another a couple hundred grand every year for taxes and gawd only knows how much for monthly maintenance want to tour the property, we're told by Our Fairy Godmother in Bel Air that a 48-hour notice is required. 48 hours? That's two damn days! But then again, it probably takes two days for the terlit gurl(s) to scrub all 21 of the properties poopers.

It is our understanding that in addition to La Belle Vie, Miz Cantor also owns an apartment on Central Park South in Manhattan as well as a water front spread in Westhampton, NY which she picked up in November of 2000 for $2,650,000. It also appears that she maintains a posh place in Palm Beach, FL where prop records show her name attached to a property with Intracoastal Waterway access that was bought in May of 2002 for $8,635,000.

Miz Cantor tried to unload her big ol' house in Bel Air back in the year 2000 when she listed the stately estate with an asking price of $45,000,000. No doubt all manner of potentates and magnates looked at the place, but after almost 2.5 years on the market, the humongous house remained unsold and was taken off the market. Perhaps she will have better luck this time around.

Judge Greg Mathis Lists Beverly Hills Manse

SELLER: Greg and Linda Mathis
LOCATION: Clerendon Road, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $5,900,000
SIZE: 7,755 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sensational Mediterranean Villa on over 1/2 acre. One of the best lots in Mulholland Estates. Very dramatic home w/ wonderful rm proportions, open flr plan & high ceilings. Soaring 2 story ceilings in entry & floating staircase. Kitchen w/ center island & lrg breakfast area. Fabulous family rm w/ fireplace, bar. Master suite w/ sitting rm, marble bath, walk-in closets & fireplace. Formal library, home office, exercise rm (or 5th bedrm). Patio, pool/spa & yard overlooks city.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to a friendly gentleman we'll call Denny Digsitup we have learned that tee-vee show judge Greg Mathis has heaved his house in the 24-hour guard gated Mulholland Estates community on to the market with an asking price of $5,900,000.

Now listen puppies, without the aid of the interweb, Your Mama would never have known who this Greg Mathis person is because we do not watch any of those soul crushing courtroom programs where a bunch of nincompoops go on the tee-vee and stand before some mouthy judge so they can whine about how their sister's boyfriend's cuzzin's baby daddy took their Monte Carlo for a joy ride and got into a fender bender that resulted in the damn rear view mirror being ripped off and now they're suing $47 and 29¢ in damages and another $812 for pain and suffering. Pleeze.

Anyhoo, for more years than we can be bothered to find out, Mister Judge Greg Mathis has donned a flowing black robe and sat up on his legal high horse called "the bench" and doled out punishments on his eponymous boob-toob program Judge Mathis. While Your Mama can not condone these upsetting courtroom television programs that we feel make mockery of justice and reduce our legal system to the lowest common denominator of righteous anger and moral indignation, we will give Mister Judge Mathis his due props for pulling himself right up and out of the gang life in Michigan, going to law school, making millions in Hollywood and buying a big house in the Hills of Beverly.

A peep into public records shows that Mister Judge Mathis and his lovely ladee-wife Linda purchased their Clerendon Road residence in July of 2005 for $4,750,000. Prop records and listing information show the house of indeterminate architectural styling measures in at 7,755 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms.

Listing information declares the "dramatic" domicile features an entrance hall with "soaring ceilings" and a "floating staircase"–which does all sound pretty druh-matic, don't it? In addition to a formal living and dining rooms, there is also a "formal library." As opposed to an informal library, we guess. The kitchen has a center island and a large breakfast area and the family room features a fireplace and wet bar.

The master suite, according to listing information, includes a sitting room, fireplace, walk in closets and a marble bathroom that for some reason Your Mama pictures as having gold fixtures and a gigantic spa tub surrounded by silk flowers. A fifth bedroom appears to be used as a home gym according to listing information.

The back of the house offers several rounded and raised terraces that look out over the back yard where there are two large grassy areas separated by a swimming pool and spa complex all of which offer city views.

Records reveal that Mister and Missus Judge Mathis also own a 14 room house with six bedrooms and 4 full and 3 half bathrooms in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan which they picked up in July of 2000 for $970,000 and, as it turns out, is also currently listed for sale with an unnecessarily complicated asking price of $1,194,999. Ain't that inneresting? Hmm.

Your Mama Hears...

...from a source we'll call Betty Blathersalot that Jenufleck or Affner–or whatever it is all the celebrity gossips call Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner–are back out looking for big new digs and have their notoriously fickle eyes on a twenty+ million dollar property.

The couple currently shack up in Brentwood at the house Miz Garner owned before hitching her wagon to Mister Affleck. But soon after a bun showed up in Miz Garner's oven, the happily marrieds starting touring all the high priced properties in the Platinum Triangle and beyond.

The freakishly well informed Nelly Knowsitall told us some time ago that Garfleck–or whatever–have come thisclose to buying at least five lavish estates including one on S. Mapleton Drive in the Holmby Hills and another one not too far from the wonderfully accented blog queen Ariana Huffington's home on N. Carmelina Avenue in Brentwood. But when push came to shove and it was time to put the quill to the contract, the indecisive duo got cold feet and backed away from each of the deals. More recently, we chit-chatted with Ms. Knowsitall who whispered in our big ear that she hears that Affgar–or whatever–are now planning to sit tight on Tigertail Road until the market stabilizes a bit.

On the contrary, another of Your Mama's better connected sources who is not Betty Blathersalot tells us the paparazzi hounded parents of two are indeed negotiating for a very impressive piece of real estate.

So who knows? However, if they really do buy the house we hear they're hot for, it would be a real mitzvah for the sellers who have been trying to unload their very private and well secured white elephant for a long time.

UPDATE: Villa Leopolda

The rumor and gossip about billionaire widow Lily Safra's notoriously high maintenance Villa Leopolda seems never to end.

In the summer of 2008, it was widely speculated (and reported) that The Widow Safra sold her legendary Belle Epoque estate in the Cote d'Azure to Russian billionaire Mikail Prokhorov for a teeth chattering and record breaking £392,000,000. That's around $560,000,000 to all us Americanos at today's rates. However, back when the deal was alleged to have been done, it rang up to $750,000,000, a nerve-wracking amount of money, the thought of which nearly landed Your Mama right up in the hospital with a colossal case of shock and awe.

Naturally, Mister Prokhorov's people said, "Nyet!" and vehemently denied Mister Prokhorov's involvement in any rumored sale of Villa Leopolda. Then came a report in early January of 2009 in The Londoner's Diary that stated The Widow Safra's trophy estate had, in fact, not Aha! been sold. About that time, Your Mama heard from a couple our savvy sources connected to the same sorts of jet-setting circles The Widow Safra runs in and both whispered in our big ol' ear that the news of a sale was just a bunch of hooey at best and a pathetic publicity ploy at worse.

Fast forward to the middle of February when the scuttlebutt starts up again in the London papers. Earlier today, both the Times Online and the Daily Mail ran titillating articles that claim Mister Prokhorov wants out of the alleged deal and is demanding his £39,000,000 deposit be returned by The Widow Safra.

Miz Safra, a lacquer haired high society ladee who knows well how to grind the financial gears, has reportedly refused to return the massive deposit citing French law which states property buyers lose their deposit in the event they back out of a real estate deal after the sales agreement has been signed.

As the children might imagine, the Widow Safra remains mum on the matter and, as usual, Mister Prokhorov's people have once again declared, "Nyet!" Mister Prokhorov's spokesman went on to repeat the oft repeated claim that the insanely rich Russian billionaire would conduct no bizness in the country of France until French authorities apologize for arresting him for the alleged procurement of prostitutes for himself an some horny friends while they all threw it down billionaire style in the swank ski resort of Courchevel in January of 2007. Needless to say, the French authorities have not apologized, nor does it look like they're going to. All of which means, of course, that any news of an offer, sale ore request for a deposit to be returned is all just speculation and gossip.

Your Mama imagines we won't know when or if Villa Leopolda sells until a fleet of moving trucks shows up in the dead of night in an attempt to covertly squirrel out all The Widow Safra's glitzy gew-gaws and swellegant knick-knacks unnoticed by the media. We shall see, children, we shall see.

Incidently, one report went on to say that the global economic downturn has hit rich Russians halaciously hard and that even uber-flashy Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich is quietly trying to dump his lavish water front spread in the Cap d'Antibes, another unconfirmed rumor that we should all savor, relish and take in with a gigantic grain of salt.

Mitt Romney Slims His Real Estate Portfolio

SELLER: Mitt Romney
LOCATION: Rising Star Lane, Park City, UT
PRICE: $5,250,000
SIZE: 9,514 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 8 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...designed to fit perfectly on the almost 11 acres surrounding it. Views of the Jordanelle Reservoir and the Uinta Mountains and a perfect location at the end of a private cul-de-sac, this unique post & beam home is a perfect retreat for you and your family. Several gathering areas provide enough space for lots of family and/or guests. The home will be sold fully furnished.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: According to The Boston Globe, the ridiculously rich and meticulously coiffed former Republican presidential hopeful and former governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney has decided to slim his fat real estate portfolio by selling two of his four fancy homes. All set to be sold are his primary mansion in Belmont, Massachusetts–which does not yet appear to be on the open market–and his 10+ acre ski getaway in posh Park City, Utah which was recently listed with an asking price of $5,250,000.

Property records for the post and beam extravaganza show it measures in at 9,514 square feet while listing information indicates that the architect's blue prints for the property show a slightly larger 10,008 square feet. Whatever the case, the house is huge and we shudder at what it costs to heat the damn thing in the winter.

Listing information reveals the rustic but undeniably lavish multi-story residence that appears to spill down the forested hillside was built in 1999 and includes seven bedrooms and 8 full and 2 half bathrooms. Presumably Mister and Missus Romney have a reliable terlit gurl in the area they can call when they're coming to down with 10 or 12 family members or friends.

Several large rooms with high peaks and a forest's worth of massive and muscular rough hewn beams provide plenty of space to impress and entertain family and friends. A gigantic living room features a monolithic river rock fireplace and custom made furniture that is being sold with the house. In fact, listing information says all the furniture as well as the custom made fancy fixturing is being sold with the house. We hope that does not include mattresses because, frankly, Your Mama thinks that's unsanitary at best and downright disgusting at worse. Don't laugh children, there are people who actually buy their mattresses used on Craig's List. Sad, but true.

Anyoo, A formal dining room easily seats 10 or 12 and the adjacent kitchen looks like the Little House on the Prairie took a vat of steroids like that A-Rod fellow who is finally coming clean about his illicit relationship with performance enhancing drugs. But we digress and that's really another sordid story for another day.

A large den/family room hosts a huge green leather sectional sofa that surrounds a cowhide covered coffee table. The rather cozy and western looking seating groupe is perfectly placed across from one of the houses many wood burning fireplaces and an old-school big screen tee-vee. Although it appears that anyone taller than five foot four would brain themselves on the beamed ceiling in this room, Your Mama suspects it's only the way the photograph was taken.

The master suite has more sky high ceilings, giant windows looking out towards the Jordanelle Reservoir and Uinta Mountains and a fireplace for all those romantic types who think making love on a bear skin rug while a blizzard blows outside is sexy and hot. However, it appears to Your Mama that the Romney's sorta chintzed out on the day-core in the master bedroom because it's all a little hodge-podge and rough around the edges. The master bathroom is all river rock and twigs and gives Your Mama the shivers. And not in a good way. This sort of fantasy bathroom day-core is fine and fantastic in dee-lightfully eccentric resort hotels like The Madonna Inn. However, it's really rather disturbing in a private home, even if it is one that's only used a few weekends a year during ski season.

Mister and Missus Romney continue to own a lavish lake front property on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire and last year, after bailing out of the presidential race, the cash rich couple forked over a whopping $12,000,000 for an oceanfront crib in the swish seaside town La Jolla, CA. A mouthpiece for the Romney's told The Boston Globe that although the pair are downsizing it is not due to a faltering financial situation resulting from the drastic downturn in the economy or the $42,000,000 of his own money he spent on his failed presidential campaign. The flak goes on to reveal that the couple intends to purchase a condo somewhere in Massachusetts which they plan to call their official residence. That seems fishy to Your Mama; A condo as their official residence when they're used to living in big ol' mansions? We'd bet one (and just one) of our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that Mister Romney starts spending more time in La Jolla...for political reasons. Of course, we know not a thing about his plans. Let's just call it a hunch and see what happens.

Deborah Gibson Taking A Hit in the Hollywood Hills

SELLER: Deborah Gibson
LOCATION: Forest Knoll Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $995,000
SIZE: 1,733 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Fabulous designer home in Hollywood Hills above Sunset Strip. Beautiful chef's kitchen, stainless steel app, slate/tile baths, formal dining, den and wonderful backyard for pool. Very private. Offer subject to short sale.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Surely all the children who are older than 25 remember 1980s teen singing sensation Debbie Gibson and her radio friendly pop songs that had clean cut teenagers everywhere tapping their feet and snapping their little fingers. We do.

However, that sort of wholesome pop crap was never Your Mama's musical cup of tea. None the less, we do recognize that–for better or worse–the young Debbie Gibson paved the way for all the other teen aged gurls like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Christina Aguilera who were tarted up just this side of looking like a hooker and sent out on stage to wiggle and woo the dollars out of the wallets of the parents of tweenagers around the world.

Debbie Gibson the teen superstar singer grew up to become Deborah Gibson who trod the boards on Broadway (Beauty and the Beast, Les Miserables, Grease, Chicago) and exposed her boobs to the world in the March 2005 issue of Playboy. More recently she took a not so successful spin on the disturbing Skating With Celebrities reality show disaster, created a children's camp in Los Angeles for aspiring performers called, natch, Camp Electric Youth, worked the stage in Atlantic City where she sang her 1980s hits mixed with Broadway standards and became an icon for a certain sort of homosexual.

She also set up house in the Hollywood Hills where property records show in February of 2005 Miss Gibson paid $1,275,000 for a modest house just off curvy, swervy and dangerous to drive Sunset Plaza Drive. Records show the Forest Knoll Drive house measures 1,733 square feet and listing information indicates there are two bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, one of which appears to have a stand up urinal installed, an apparatus we don't imagine Miss Gibson used much.

Listing information shows that Miss Gibson has recently listed her house for sale with an asking price of $995,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that figure to be a full $280,000 less than she paid for the house. Oh dear.

Miss Gibson's Hollywood Hills hideaway is well screened from the street offering the once blisteringly famous now just sorta famous woman all the privacy she wants and requires. Adjacent to the detached two car garage, a long, lung busting flight of stairs rises from street level to the front door. We're sure this is an excellent feature for helping Miss Gibson keep her pushing 40 booty tight, but frankly, Your Mama would rather have a fat ass than have to climb all those damn stairs every damn day just to get to the damn front door.

A small entrance hall opens to the living room which features wood floors, a wood burning fireplace and a large bay window looking out over that glute grinding flight of stairs. The children will note that in addition to Miss Gibson's depressing melange of furniture that all looks like it came from Grandma's house in Missouri, Miss Gibson has not very modestly hung a lot of her own showbiz memorabilia on the walls. The mirrored piano, which by our humble and meaningless estimation, is the only fabulous thing in this room and was once owned by flamboyant entertainer Liberace and makes a very strong and deliciously campy decorative statement at one end of the room.

Opposite the living room is a decent sized and wood floored dining room which has been painted that particular sort of blood red that many people think looks great in dining rooms. A large country-style breakfront holds all Miss Gibson's finer dinnerware and it appears that Miss Gibson has inexplicably hung a blanket over the window. Maybe it really is a shade or a curtain of some sort, but it looks like a damn blanket.

Listing information indicates the kitchen is suitable for a chef and perhaps it is. We can't get over the pot rack hanging over the work island to determine if a chef would want to be cooking up in there. Is there anything worse than cutting carrots and slicing celery while having to look at a bunch of dusty pots hanging from the ceiling? Ugh.

From the look of things, Miss Gibson's real estate agent showed up unannounced to take photos for the listing because there is no other legitimate way to explain the utter catastrophe that is the bedroom where the tee-vee has been left on, a vanity table looks a hot mess, a purse has been left on the bed and Miss Gibson's fuzzy slippers have not been placed in the closet or under the bed where they belong in a real estate listing photo. The main bathroom is no better. In fact, it's worse. An over-stuffed valise sits on a chair gaping open and the counter tops are littered with toiletries, make-up implements and a 7-Up soda can. A 7-Up can! Classy.

Seriously Miss Gibson, listen to Your Mama because we are sincerely trying to help you here. Not only is your house is being offered as a short sale, meaning you're likely going to have to beg your bank to accept a purchase price that is less than you owe, public records show a Notice of Default was filed on the property in early January which means that you gotta get rid of this place as soon as possible before you slip down the rabbit hole of foreclosure. Now hunny, we don't now if anyone has told you, but the real estate market in Los Angeles isn't as brisk as it was a few years ago and as a result it is extremely important to put your best real estate foot forward when trying to attract skittish and/or bottom feeding buyers. And that means, of course, that you need to clean up all your crap, call Your Mama so we can send our domineering house gurl Svetlana over to scrub the place down like it was a surgical suite and have your real estate agent come back over to snap new photographs that present your little crib in its the best possible light. Now is not the time to be leaving the house with bread crumbs on the kitchen counter or skid marks in your terlit.

Now then, one thing that may work in your favor is that the (slightly smaller) house next door sold in December of 2008 for $1,150,000 which makes your current asking price of $995,000 look at least in the ball park. Your Mama never likes to see anyone lose their house in a distress sale and just because we're mortified by the condition of your house in the listing photographs does not mean we don't feel for you or that we have any desire to dance on your real estate grave. We honestly wish you fortitude, dignity and a strong constitution during this ugly short sale process.

A Wee Bit of Monday Morning Mash Mash

1.
Holy Mary Mother of God, it's back.

We're talking the about the legendary Singleton house up on Mulholland Drive owned by hair honcho Vidal Sassoon which was listed in June of 2007 with a blistering asking price of $19,995,000 where it languished un-bought for 470-some days before disappearing from the MLS in late 2008.

The fully rehabbed 4 bedroom and 5 bathroom Richard Neutra designed domicile has recently reappeared on the MLS with a new listing agent and a new asking price of $14,995,000. Your Mama does not even need to flick the beads of our bejeweled abacus to figure out that Mister Sassoon has hacked a huge five million clams off his original asking price, an indication he must be getting serious about unloading the architectural white elephant.

All you mid-century modern purists can start ranting and raving about how this house was wrecked and ravaged by an insensitive rehabilitation, and all you sky is falling types can start screaming about how it's still $10,000,000 over-priced while the rest of you figure out a way to get your voice heard over all the stiffly worded and righteous indignation.

2.
According to the ladee at the L.A. Times, Your Mama's favorite middle aged and mouthy rock babe Courtney Love recently moved house. As far as we knew, she'd been shacked up in a rental on gated La Collina street in West Hollywood, but apparently she's decamped to a house on nearby St. Ives Drive that was formerly owned and (fairly) recently sold by Aussie songstress Natalie Imbruglia.

Miz Imbruglia snagged $3,725,000 when she sold the 5 bedroom and 6 bathroom house to movie making Mexican heiress Jeanette Longoria who has apparently decided to live elsewhere because according to recent reports and whispered words on the celebrity real estate gossip grapevine the a-list lesbian leased the place out at (about) $20,000 per month to the Ho from Hole.

We tease. We love Miz Love and all her high-larious high-jinks.

3.
According to the always well informed Josh Barbanel at the New York Times, Tantric sex loving rock star Sting and his Tantric sex loving ladee-wife Trudie Styler have reportedly re-listed their long time Manhattan doo-plex pied a terre at the Brentmore with an asking price of $26,000,000.

The 18 room spread–once owned by piano man Billy Joel–is comprised to two combined units in a lovely Beaux Arts building on Central Park West. The floor plan shows the dee-luxe doo-plex measures in at approximately 6,600 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms including a surprisingly modest master suite on the upper floor. Other amenities include a tightly curving staircase connecting the two floors, two kitchens, two living rooms looking into the tree tops that line Central Park West, two fireplaces, a book shelf lined office, two private elevator landing entrances and a library with a discreet back entrance into the dressing room of the above mentioned modest master suite.

If the children will put on their thinking caps they might recall that the global do-gooders tried to unload this place way back in the summer of 2006 when it carried an asking price of $24,000,000. The two floor sprawler sat on the market for well over a year, was briefly reduced to $20,000,000 and then taken off the market just a few weeks before listing agent Linda Stein was bludgeoned to death in her Fifth Avenue aerie by her assistant.

Given that the boho Brits forked over a whopping $26,500,000 for new doo-plex digs in the newly built, much lauded and perhaps over-hyped 15 Central Park West last year, it would seem obvious that their old crib up the street at the Brentmore has become somewhat superfluous. However, what's puzzling and perplexing to Your Mama's little booze saturated pea brain is that the real estate rich couple re-listed the apartment in a swiftly declining market at a price six million smackers higher than the last asking price. Is anyone really going to offer anywhere near twenty six million when they know the couple was willing to part with it at twenty million? No, we don't think so either, but we do wish them luck at doing so anyway.

According to rumor and report, in addition to the two leviathan apartments they currently own on in New York City, the couple also maintain an ocean front house in The Malibu Colony, a large estate in Tuscany, Italy, a couple of places in London as well as a couple of places in the English countryside.