Jake and Reese Lay Out a Load for A London Let

LESSEES: Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon
LOCATION: Notting Hill, London
PRICE: £4,000 per week
SIZE: 1,996 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A simply beautiful period house which has undergone a comprehensive and exacting refurbishment programme. Benefiting from wonderful entertaining space over two floors and sumptuous bedroom accommodation this stunning property also boasts a charming private terrace. 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, reception, kitchen/dining room, terrace.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Over the weekend Your Mama received a kindly communique from a helpful Briton we'll call Glenn Givesitup who generously hooked us over to a recent article from the Homes and Property section of the Evening Standard in which a dee-lishusly loose lipped estate estate agent revealed that American super stars Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have leased a London love nest to the tune of £4,000. That's four thousand bloody British Pounds per week children.

A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus tells us that figure converts to an impressive $5,916 and eighty damn cents at todays rates. Again, that's per week, puppies. Although that is obviously a mountain of money to most people, it's probably less than the cost of the ridiculously rich couple and her two children shacking up in a swank suite at the super slick Sanderson and definitely a lot less expensive than settling in to one of the outrageously expensive and newly redesigned roof suites at the dee-voonly stuffy Dorchester.

According to the wonderfully indiscreet estate agent–who reportedly represents the property which is listed for sale at £2,795,000–the owner of the Victorian era house in the natty Knotting Hill area was thrilled when the well paid American actors turned up waving wads of dollar bills shouting, "Gimme, gimme, gimme."

Listing information reveals the modestly sized terrace house measures 1,996 square feet spread over four floors of recently refurbished rooms. The main reception room on the raised ground floor has dark wood floors, gallery white walls, a good number of creme colored sofas and seating areas where the couple could comfortably entertain Gwynny and Madge with a few carrot sticks and some Kabbalah water. A small terrace at the rear of the room is a good spot for the notoriously private couple to be seen smooching by all the neighbors.

The lower floor has an excessively glossy, almost mirror-like floor that looks reflective enough to expose the naughty bits of skirted ladees and gentlemen. The decently sized dining area is being aesthetically abused by a glass topped table, eight dining room chairs being choked by white slip covers and a little little fixture stuck to the ceiling that is both too small for the room and, rather upsettingly, not located over the center of the table. The dining area is open to the sleek and efficient looking kitchen which features a narrow work island, some shiny white cabinets that match the glimmering floor, and a breakfast area with a barely there round glass table surrounded a set of four Philippe Starck Victoria Ghost Chairs. This all looks rather sexy (if a bit 1970s), but Your Mama would not want to be navigating that part of the house in the dim light of dawn after a long night of gin and tonics with divalicious drag star Lily Savage because we would surely be injured by that transparent arrangement of glass and plastic masquerading as a dinette set.

A petite patio off the kitchen is a good spot for the nanny to smoke a fag when the Witherspoon children's grilled cheese sandwiches are grilling up and a narrow hallway off the dining area leads to a bedroom, a second small patio and the house's only guest terlit. While we do appreciate that the guest pooper is quite private, it's a long haul from the main entertaining space for a gal who's really got to go.

The private quarters include a full floor master suite which stretches the entire length of the house from front to back and includes a clean lined en suite with beautiful wood accents, and large, lovely and, thankfully, frosted arched window and some sort of fancy square terlit that we're sure cost nearly as much as a Mini Cooper. The top floor is accessed by a claustrophobic's nightmare of a staircase and features a windowless bedroom and en suite that are both, thankfully, ventilated and lit by several skylights.

The talkative estate agent did not reveal how long the Americans will be in residence. Given that the house remains for purchase, it can't be long. Presumably the property will not be shown while the panties and playthings of Oscar winning Ms. Witherspoon and Oscar nominated Mister Gyllenhaal could be peeped by the prying eyes of prospective buyers and aggressively nosy fans who think it might be cute to ring up the estate agent asking for a tour.

Back in Tinseltown, Ms. Witherspoon–who is one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood– and her two children live in a quietly posh guard gated community called Brentwood Circle in, you guessed it, Brentwood, and Mister Brokeback Mountain has long occupied a very private property above Woodrow Wilson Drive in the Hollywood Hills that Your Mama and several of our better connected sources think he leases as opposed to owns.

The Mulholland Drive home of Mister Gyllenhaal's rumored to be dee-vorcing parents recently fell off the MLS after having been listed for an ice age. The fine looking 5 bedroom and 3 bathroom contemporary crib was last priced at $3,150,000 after first hitting the market with a much higher asking price of $4,200,000. No word on what the Hollywood veterans will be doing with their Martha's Vineyard hideaway.

Duane and Tisha Campbell-Martin Unload In Lake Arrowhead

SELLERS: Duane Martin and Tisha Campbell-Martin
LOCATION: West Shore Road, Lake Arrowhead, CA
PRICE: $1,597,000
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A wonderful home for entertaining and big families, featuring 5 bedrooms with level access to home, lake and single slip dock. Situated on a very gentle lot with park-like setting...A wonderful interior remodel with turnkey amenities including media/game room. All of this enhanced with glorious sunrise and water views.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last night, while we were sitting in the kitchen tapping away on our trusty laptop computer desperately trying to ignore the screeching sounds of that damn American Idol show that the Dr. Cooter insists on watching, we received an unexpected communique from a prolific tipster we call Vlad The Revealer who pointed Your Mama towards a Lake Arrowhead, CA residence being sold by ack-tor Duane Martin and his ack-tress wifey, the sensationally sassy Tisha Campbell-Martin.

Mister Martin may best be known by the children for his long stint on a program called All of Us. He has, however, also appeared in a fair number of films such as Fakin' Da Funk, Woo, Hustle and Heat and The Seat Filler, which he also wrote and produced. Mister Martin also owns an athlete management company called Impact Sports. His ladee-wife, the deliciously full figured Tisha Campbell-Martin came to boob-toob fame back in the early 1990s when she played Martin Lawrence's sassy gurlfriend Gina on the sit-com Martin. Miz Campbell-Martin famously sued her tee-vee boyfriend for sexual harassment in real life. Among other, lesser roles, Miz Campbell-Martin went on to play opposite Damon Wayans as a sassy mommy/wife on My Wife and Kids and currently appears on a sit-com show we've never heard of called Rita Rocks as a sassy mail carrier. Sassy is clearly Miz Campbell-Martin's acting forte.

The Campbell-Martin's 5 bedroom and 4 bathroom lake front domicile is currently listed at what listing information calls, "Today's low market price of $1,597,000." Now children, we don't know if that's a low market price or not because, truth be told, Your Mama knows next to nuthin' about Lake Arrowhead other than it's a big lake about 1.5 hours east of L.A. and that the nearly humorless comedienne Roseanne Barr used to own a house there back in the days that she still worked. We tease. We like Miz Barr. We think she's funny. She is, however, not so fond of Your Mama. But that's another story for another day chickens.

Property records show the Campbell-Martin couple picked up their Lake Arrowhead hideaway in May of 2004 for $880,000 and it appears to measure 3,858 square feet. We are not completely sure that square footage figure is accurate children so don't go quoting that number to all your friends like it's gospel.

Although the stacked stone accented house appears to be a very ordinary single story ranch house, it actually drops two floors below the entrance level and has a trio of narrow decks which run the width of the rear facade on all three levels that look out towards the Lake Arrowhead shoreline. Fortunately for boat loving buyers in the 1.5 million dollar price range, a single slip dock at the water's edge is deeded to the Campbell-Martin residence.

In addition to the front facing two car garage, the top floor of the Campbell-Martin crib features an open plan set up with exposed beam ceilings, an imposing stacked stone fireplace in the living room, a breakfast bar where guests can watch the action on the six burner stove in the modestly sized but well appointed kitchen, and a dining area which offers diners a water view while eating and features a chandelier nearly as large as the dining room table itself.

Presumably, the lower floors contain all five of the bedrooms as well as what listing information calls a media/game room. Your Mama imagines that's the room with the beige wall to wall carpeting, the beige sofas, the monolithic entertainment unit and that disturbing black leather contraption that looks like one of the upsetting and ass-uglee massage chairs from Hammecher Schlemmer that grope, grip and grind on anyone who makes the mistake of sitting in the damn thing.

We're not even going to discuss the nearly empty room with the 100 year old tee-vee in the corner other than to say we like the beamed ceiling, and do not even get Your Mama started on that sad looking bedroom with its $12 comforter, scary looking fake flower arrangement in the corner and curtains that look like Miss Campbell-Martin tacked a linen closet's worth of sheets to the damn curtain rod. Pleeze gurl, we know you have the coin to hire a nice gay decorator who could have done up the lower floors as nicely–if blandly–as the main living spaces on the top floor.

It appears to Your Mama that the couple, who are expecting baby number two, lives primarily in hot as Hades Chatsworth, CA which, for the geographically challenged, is due north of downtown Los Angeles and carries the dubious distinction of being the unofficial porn capital of the world. How nice. In August of 1005, property records show the Campbell-Martins forked over $900,000 for a .8 acre vacant parcel in a gated community on custom built mini-mansions where it appears they too have built a large house.

Katie Price Has Come to America

RENTERS: Katie Price and Peter André
LOCATION: Calicut Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: (reportedly) $100,000 per month
SIZE: 14,000 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Enjoy the summer at Villa Cascata with a spectacular pool area, horse facilities, trails, lawns, formal gardens, koi pond and a large guest house for your out of town visitors. This newly completed masterpiece features interiors by noted designer Audrey Ruth and is sited to command views from Pt. Mugu to downtown Los Angeles...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although it sounds like twig thin Vicki Beckham and her sexy soccer playing sidekick David might like to move back to Europe and Los Angeles is soon to lose British singing sensation Robbie Williams, the City of Angels is gaining another British super star in the form of behemoth breasted British glamazon Katie/Jordan Price and her singer huzband Peter André who famously met on the British reality series I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! The spot light loving couple, quite naturally, have continued to exploit their private lives on reality program after reality program after reality program.

To be fair, Mister André has released a few singles since then and the impressively entrepreneurial Miss Price has also penned three top selling autobiographies (three!), four top selling (and ghostwritten) novels as well as a series of children's books. Additionally she's lined her Birkin bag by licensing her name and image to a whole bunch of products including (but not limited to) lingerie, jewelry, hair care products, a chain of grocery stores and a line of horse care products. And let's not forget the fragrances that bear her name either. So, you know, like it or not, this beehawtcha is all kinds of bizzy with money making endeavors.

Anyhoo, according to the gossip juggernaut TMZ and confirmed by a well connected source we call Mirakle Mike, the frighteningly famous and ridiculously rich couple–who have long been rumored to be looking for temporary digs in Los Angeles–have finally landed in the hills above Malee-boo where they've leased a Mediterranean style pile which listing information calls Villa Cascata, a name which translates roughly to House of Waterfall. It does not appear to Your Mama that there is a waterfall on the property.

In addition to the $100,000 per month asking price, listing information also indicates the newly built manse measures in at a sprawling 14,000 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms plus a detached guest house with separate entrance. In addition to all the expected rooms (an impress the guests style entrance hall, living, dining, den, library, gore-may kitchen and family room) other interior amenities include an art studio, wine cellar, sauna and a home gym set up.

The grounds include two large gated motor courts, arched colonnades, Tuscan style formal gardens, a large trellis covered patio adjacent to the swimming pool and spa, equestrian facilities, commanding views from Point Mugu all the way to downtown L.A. and a stunning semi-circular viewing terrace perfect for some early morning yoga or downing a few gin and tonics at sunset.

Now listen here now, iffin any of you horny children think it would cute to hop in your hoopdies and head out to Malee-boo to try and cop a peep of Miss Price and her mammoth mammaries sunbathing in the nood, Your Mama suggests you just stay home. Not only is it silly and strange to be driving up on celebrity homes, the property is located at the tail end of a private and gated road which means y'all will be left looking like a damn fool sitting in your car on the side of a secluded road out in Malee-boo waiting for Miss Tits to come sliding out of the gates in a car with windows so dark you cain't see through them. How fun.

Now then, even though neither Your Mama nor the Dr. Cooter would know Miss Price or Mister André if they walked right into our living room and introduced themselves, we welcome them to the good ol' U.S. of A where blood, sweat, tears and talent isn't the only way to fame and fortune but can also be had with glittering teeth, fake boobies and a creatively entrepreneurial spirit.

Producer Dylan Sellers Selling in Pacific Palisades

SELLER: Dylan Sellers
LOCATION: N. Chautauqua, Pacific Palisades, CA
PRICE: $2,995,000
SIZE: 3,990 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Wonderful combination of privacy and open views. Excellent entertaining flow inside and out. Spacious five bedroom (3 up, 2 down), 4.5 California Mediterranean set on N. Chautauqua rim. Formal living room with soaring ceiling and large picture window. Dining area off charming family room and chef's kitchen with center island and beautiful tile work. Private backyard has tiled patio, grassy area, pool/spa and views.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Movie producer Dylan Sellers and his lady-wife Wendie have listed their Pacific Palisades property with an asking price of $2,995,000. Now listen children, we recognize those of you not in the bizness of show are unlikely to know who Mister Sellers is or what his cinematic accomplishments are. So simmer down for 30 seconds and let Your Mama school you.

Mister Sellers has produced a number of high profile films including the Agent Cody Banks movies that starred Frankie Munoz and Hilary Duff (before she got her new teeth), as well as the Cinderella Story films, one of which also starred that Hilary Duff gurl. According to his resume on the IMDB, Mister Sellers also has a hefty handful of films in the hopper including the much publicized Footloose remake for which the producers nabbed High School Musical hottie Zac Efron (who Your Mama recommends bust out of the singing and dancing genre right quick).

Property records show Mister and Missus Sellers picked up their N. Chautauqua "California Mediterranean" style residence in January of 2005 for $2,550,000 and listing information shows the house measures 3,990 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms.

It's unclear to Your Mama if the square footage shown in listing information includes the garage which appears to have been converted to some sort of interior space that can, unfortunately, be accessed only through the laundry room. While it would make a fine and private space for our autocratic and vehemently secretive house gurl Svetlana, both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would prefer to rent Svetlana her own studio apartment nearby and have the space be returned to its original use as a front facing two car garage where we could keep our big BMWs dust free.

A somewhat cramped hallway like entrance and stair hall opens to a step down living room with a high beamed ceiling, wood floors, a wood burning fireplace and a giant window facing the street. At the rear of the house, a large open plan and wood floored space contains a disturbingly peachy colored dining room (which also sports a chandelier that's hung way, way, way too high), an island kitchen that looks like it's trying way too hard to be a country kitchen in Connecticut (note the campy rooster rug), and a family room with a flat screen boob-toob mounted over a second fireplace, a wall of French doors opening to the rear dining terrace and several competing and not particularly complimentary upholstery and rug patterns.

Two of the five bedrooms are located on the first floor behind the family room. Each has its own private pooper would make excellent rooms for mouthy and rebellious teenagers. Upstairs, two additional bedrooms share a Jack and Jill style bathroom and each has a set of French doors leading out to large tiled terraces. The master suite includes a third fireplace flanked by French doors that open to a tiled terrace overlooking the backyard and the canyon beyond, one large walk in closet, another long row of closets, a somewhat dated bathroom with a separate spa tub and shower with rather upsetting brass accents and an enclosed cubicle with both a terlit and a bidet. All the children know how Your Mama lurvs us a bidet.

While Your Mama is completely non-plussed by the Mister and Missus Sellers' lack of decorative prowess, we do rather appreciate the mostly drought tolerant landscaping that surrounds the property. The front facade is well screened by some giant agave plants and a couple of Olive trees on either side of the front door. In the back yard, more Olive trees shield the interiors from the scorching southern California sunshine and the free form swimming pool and spa have been sunk right into the lawn at the edge of the bluff overlooking the canyon.

Although the lawn looks lovely, Your Mama would consider replacing it with the sort of crushed granite material like that found in Parisian parks which would further reduce the amount of water necessary to keep the yard looking sharp in character with the character of the house. Your Mama has no doubt that a fine and fussy landscaping expert like L.A. based garden guru Jay Griffith could perfectly work out the details of that sort of conversion to hardscaping.

We don't have any idea where Mister and Missus Sellers will be moving. However, given all the Misters upcoming producing credits, we'd be our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly it's to a more impressive, "I've made it in Hollywood" sort of property.

Your Mama Hears...

...from the ever intrepid and always wickedly well informed Lucy Spillerguts that former teen queen turned tabloid train wreck Lindsay Lohan has moved out of the not particularly private house she shared with her painfully thin and sorta sickly looking gal pal, DJ Samantha Ronson.

Although heaps and hordes of rumors and reports have circulated lately that the lesbian lovers have been fussing and fighting in public places and are possibly headed towards a high drama bust up, young Miss Lohan recently took to her MySpace page and vehemently declared that she and Miss Ronson are not broken up. And maybe they're not. However, according to Ms. Spillerguts, who nearly never has inaccurate information, Little Lindsay Lohan recently leased a 3 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom Spanish style house on El Contento Drive for nearly ten grand per month.

The property, completely screened by very tall hedges, should provide the poor pap magnet with all the privacy she wants and requires. Other amenities include a secret garden off the master suite and a free standing cabana where she can quietly sit and think about how to get her once promising career back on track.

What it does not offer is any real distance between her and her DJ girly friend as the house is just a short distance from Miss Ronson's rental on Beachwood Canyon Drive, a proximity that pretty much guarantees the two frequently feuding lovebirds will run into each other in the aisles of the Beachwood Market where they shop for food that it doesn't look to Your Mama like they eat.

Mark Peel and Daphne Brogdon Flip Out in Hancock Park

SELLERS: Mark Peel and Daphne Brogdan
LOCATION: S. Lucerne Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,299,000
SIZE: 3,966 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Meticulous Mediterranean in prime Windsor Square, blocks from Larchmont. Gracious center hall plan generous living rm w/fpl & frml din rm. Fam rm w/ built ins, surround sound & access to back patio. "Renowned Chef's" kitchen w/every amenity, eat in banquette & office nook. Formal breakfast rm, maids/office down. 4 beds & 3 remodeled baths up. Master opens to canopied terrace. New garage plumbed for guest house. Wi Fi system throughout. Lush landscaping.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While Your Mama is working our phone lines and burning up the internets trying to confirm some real estate dirt on a few big name famous folks, let's step back and discuss a lesser light in the lexicon of celebrity. A little poking around on the interweb leads us to the house of Los Angeles based celebrity chef Mark Peel and his stand up comic/tee-vee hostess wife Daphne Brogdon who have recently hoisted their Hancock Park house on the market with an asking price of $3,299,000.

The award winning chef Mister Peel owns a highly regarded and kinda pricey restaurant called Campanile as well as a less expensive bread emporium/café called the La Brea Bakery while his ladee-wife writes a successful mommy blog called Cool Mom and gets paid to skewer celebs for their fashion faux-pas in both T.V. Guide and Star Magazine.

Property records show the couple purchased their S. Lucerne Boulevard property in March of 2008 for $3,100,000, which means, obviously, that the property is being flipped just 12 months after being purchased. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus shows that Mister Peel and Ms. Brogdon are looking at quite possibly losing a chunk of change once they pay out the considerable real estate fees.

Records also show the architecturally dignified house with a pleasantly symmetrical front facade was built in 1920 and measures in at 3,966 square feet. Listing information indicates there are 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. Four of the bedrooms and three of the (renovated) bathrooms are located upstairs and the remaining bedroom and bathroom are, apparently, located on the first floor. This bed/bath set up means there is no powder room and that dinner guests are faced with the indignity of sharing the first floor pooper with overnight guests, or even more upsetting, the live-in. Now listing puppies, in smaller homes with just one or two bathrooms, this sort of bathroom double duty is necessary, but we find it almost inexcusable in three-plus million dollar digs.

Your Mama knows that some of you children are going to self-righteously point out that his house isn't really in Hancock Park proper–it's actually in an area called Windsor Square–and that others of you will get yer panties in a kerfuffle and start whining about how you think Hancock Park (or Windsor Square or whatever) is not safe after dark and that homeless people poop on front lawns. Your Mama says, "Pshaw!"

Hancock Park (or Windsor Square or whatever) may not be as dee-luxe or expensive as the better parts of Bel Air or Beverly Hills but that does not make it some sort of a ghetto where dope pushers stand around on the corners and people sell microwave ovens out of the trunks of their beat up Impalas. Besides, some of the better zip codes in Los Angeles have been plagued by burglaries the last few years. Do you hear that children? Plagued.

Anyhoo, the Peel/Brogdon house sits on a mid-block lot on S. Lucerne Boulevard that measures just over a quarter acre and which listing information labels a "meticulous Mediterranean" style affair. Your Mama is just too worn out to argue with that designation. The center hall plan includes a wide entrance hall which is pleasingly devoid of decorative artifice other than the light colored and shiny herringbone wood floors, a grouping of small artworks, and a petite crystal chandelier. The flesh colored walls, on the other hand, kinda make Your Mama's flesh crawl.

The large formal living room, which has also, unfortunately, been slathered with flesh colored paint, includes a wood burning fireplace, glistening wood floors, light fixtures that look original to the house (or at least authentic to the time period), and a couple of gigantic beige ultra-suede sofas sitting on a white deep pile shag area rug that would give our house gurl Svetlana siezures trying to keep clean. The formal dining room has French doors leading to the front terrace, a beige rug, beige wallpaper printed with birds and branches and what appears to Your Mama to be a 1940s-ish dining room table and chairs that make us go weak in the knees.

Being the home of a renowned chef, the wood floored kitchen has quite naturally been did over with every amenity a cook could want and includes a full suite of high priced quasi-commercial stainless steel appliances. The simple white cabinetry sets off the large, vermilion colored work island that features a stainless steel counter top where meat can be hacked up and cleaned up without fear of contamination. We note with some glee that the microwave has been given its own cubby next to the fridge, something that is done too infrequently in the kitchens of rich people. The kitchen complex also includes a built in breakfast nook with a lovely Heywood Wakefield table and chairs (not pictured) and an office nook where the house gurl can comfortably organize the coupons and sneak onto the internets when the ladee of the house is upstairs performing her morning toilette.

The adjacent family room includes a simple coffered ceiling, a fab row of arched French doors leading to the rear terrace, and a wall of custom cabinetry for stashing the flat screen and all the boxes and accoutrement that come along with sophisticated tee-vee watching nowadays. Your Mama would like the children to note that the Peel/Brogdons have actual books on the shelves, something that always warms the cold cockles of our snarky heart. The couple have chosen to furnish the room with a cozy looking steel grey velvet sectional sofa with clean lines, deep down cushions and too many pillows. Opposite the sofa, at a conversational distance, sits a bent wood armchair that may or may not be an Alvar Aalto design; It's close, but there's something funky happening with the front of it that makes it look like it might be some kind of high-end recliner from Lazy-Boy, right?

The master bedroom, a not entirely successful study in grey day-core, includes some glammy decorative moments such as the mirrored bedside tables and mauve tufted silk dressing chair. French doors open to a large private terrace that is partially covered by a canopy and which surely makes for an excellent spot to lounge around in the late afternoon but still be able to make sure the nanny isn't angrily over-pushing the kiddies on the back yard swing set. The Master bathroom appears to have been renovated with a eye towards the house's original design and has Tiffany blue cabinetry topped with spider veined Carrara marble, white honeybee tile on the floor, a soaking tub with room for two and a seamless glass shower enclosure. The walls have been painted the palest of blue and a couple of windows flank the pedastal sink, which are, you know, appreciated after last night's Indian dinner.

The back yard includes a large terrace for dining, entertaining and nood sunbathing. While there is a large expanse of lawn for the kiddies, there is not currently a swimming pool. Although we do recognize that not everyone enjoys swimming in chemical-ized water, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter do and would never consider owning a house of this magnitude in Los Angeles without an inviting cee-ment pond. The garage, which listing information indicates is newly built, has been plumbed for a guest house and a Wi-Fi system has been installed throughout the property, a technological extra which Your Mama loves because sometimes it would be damn nice to sit under a tree in the shade while we type our fingers to the nubbins.

Listing information indicates that the house is already in contract after less than a month on the open market, so bully for Mister Peel and Miz Brogdon as they move on to their next home.

Your Mama Hears...

...That the red hot real estate scuttlebutt is starting to shimmy and slide all up and down the Pacific Coast Highway in Malee-boo regarding the Encinal Bluff estate owned by Brad Pitt which is rumored and whispered to be quietly on the market.

According to Our Lady of Malibu, Mister Pitt is asking $18,000,000 for the estate which includes a glass walled contemporary house perched on the bluff above the ocean, a large swimming pool, a tennis court and a-list neighbors like Cindy Crawford and Leo DiCaprio.

Our Lady of Malibu also whispered in Your Mama's big ear that several big name agents are claiming the pocket listing which could get interesting (and ugly) if everyone doesn't play nice.

Prop records show Mister Pitt paid $8,410,000 when he purchased the property in March of 2005 in the aftermath of his very public split from former Friends actor turned romantic comedy queen Jennifer Aniston.

Lest any of the children be sweating bullets about where Mister Pitt and Miss Jolie will house their multi-culti clan of 73 children once their Malee-boo manse is sold, let Your Mama assure y'all the anxiety is not necessary. The privacy loving but spot light seeking duo still own (and lease) several hoity toity homes including Mister Pitt's ocean front compound just north of Santa Barbara, his long time Los Angeles compound in the Los Feliz neighborhood, their big ol' house in the Big Easy, Miss Jolie's Cambodian hideaway and the 35 bedroom Chateau Miraval estate in rural France where they lived for some months after the birth of babies #34 and 35 and for which they've reportedly taken a multi-year lease.

And, of course, let's not forget Sassafras, the 40-some acre estate in staid Lloyd Neck, NY the perpetually peripatetic pair reportedly leased for a few months while Miss Jolie, who keeps threatening that she's going to take a break from working in order to spend some time with all her 47 kids, is scheduled to film her next movie.

photo: Pacific Coast News